Given that this is Sri Lanka, the country where, if you take your computer in for technical support of any kind, it comes back with 150 new viruses and hundreds of different kinds of spyware, I suspect that this is going to take a while..
Sigh.
Turns out it is another undersea cable problem. Not sure what caused it, or what they’re doing to fix it, but the internet is STILL, yes, folks, STILL broken.