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How do I get this Apple keyboard to work?

I mentioned in a previous post that we bought me an Apple aluminum keyboard. Easy keystrokes, kind on my painful hands, doesn’t cause my finger/hand joints to dislocate like other keyboards available locally.apple slim aluminum keyboard wired

Except that it doesn’t work properly on my Windows XP machine.

And I can now say that it also doesn’t work on my Windows 7 machine, either, since we upgraded me in the hopes that it would solve the keyboard issues. But no, it didn’t. Exact same problems, ALL of them, regardless of which operating system my computer is running.

As I said previously, here’s what happens:

Using the right shift key, I couldn’t get a capital w, s, or x. Using the left shift key, I couldn’t get a capital w. But I could get those letters capitalized if I used the caps lock key.

But more disturbing than that, I started getting miscellaneous windows popping up, as if I was using key combinations or keyboard shortcuts, to start up new programs, click on the Start button on the taskbar, or to access other parts of the program I was currently using. This happened when I was typing – an email, a blog post – where I most certainly was not using a function key or the CTRL, ALT, or COMMAND keys.

Or, worse yet, when I didn’t even have my hands on the keyboard or mouse.

We tried the keyboard on Fahim’s MacBook – works perfectly. And I do mean perfectly. Back to mine – funky odd stuff. What???????

Additionally, when I boot the system, sometimes it automatically goes into BIOS settings. Which I did not ask it to do, of course.

Other people running this keyboard on a Windows XP machine report that, when it’s hooked up, their computer automatically recognizes it as an Apple keyboard. Mine did not.

Here’s what we’ve tried:

  1. Disconnected keyboard, reconnected – several times. Rebooted.
  2. Different USB ports. Just in case. But no, they’re all the same. Tried USB ports on a hub as well as directly into the notebook itself.
  3. Updating the device driver. Except it said it was up-to-date.
  4. Uninstalling all keyboard device drivers with the subsequent multiple reboots. Tried this at least 3x.
  5. Installed the Microsoft Keyboard Layout Creator 1.4 and originally, it detected no Apple keyboards on its list. Then it did, but it didn’t matter since I still had the exact same problems.
  6. Installed AppleKeyboardInstaller (click on the link and read the guy’s blog entry – pretty funny) from two separate websites (I don’t recall the second one anymore, but they were different versions) that are supposed to install the keyboard drivers. They don’t.
  7. Installing boot camp something or other – gee, I’m getting old and my memory’s getting worse, I tell you. Fahim would still remember the details, but me? Not a hope.

Ugh.

I do not want to go back to that piece of crap dislocate-me-fingers stiff keyboard. I don’t. I like the feel of the Apple keyboard. But Apple doesn’t provide drivers because, what, they’re so arrogant and insular with their “go screw yourself!” attitude. It’s a keyboard. Just a keyboard. It shouldn’t be so farking impossible. There’s no good reason for it to be this difficult. None.

Look, I’m not asking for the special features to work (increase or decrease volume, for example). I’m just asking for regular features, like the ability to have a capital S, W, OR X work with the right shift key. Or for it to not go psycho with keystrokes that I’m not making. It’s not much that I’m asking for, is it?

Meanwhile, I’m now going to comb through the comments section of that blog entry that had the AppleKeyboardInstaller I linked to above – there were some suggestions in there of other things to try.

Onwards and upwards, ho!

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