Bat Tul Star Gah Lak Ti Kah
Somehow, breaking it up like that doesn’t make it any more appealing than it actually was.
In Sinhalese . . .
That’s my attempt. Yes, of course I made some serious mistakes in the above transcription into Sinhalese, but I’m sure Fahim will assist me in making my corrections, which I will then add here.
It’s added. And I was sorta close. Sorta.
Fahim downloaded the mini-series off the internet. We were so looking forward to watching it.
And then we did start watching it.
I feel like gouging my eyes out and poking a sharp pencil into my ears.
This is a painful experience. I wonder, was it this painful for the actors, knowing that they were a part of garbage? Or were the actors too dumb to realize, from reading the script, that it was garbage?
I vote for the actors signing a contract before they saw the final draft of the screenplay. If they’d seen it, then they’re dumb.
It stunk so bad the bears won’t even go near it.
But, even though, ten minutes into the damn thing, Fahim and I are both bored out of our gourds, waiting for anything – anything interesting – to happen, we keep watching. And we keep watching. And we keep watching. Fahim’s too stubborn to give up on it part way through and say it’s crap. No, no. Once he’s started it, he wants to see it to the end.
So. What’s my excuse? I know it’s crap, and I’m still watching it.
I get to cuddle with Fahim. Yep. That’s it. That’s the only appeal for me in watching it. I get to cuddle with my husband.
You know what? I love scifi. I seriously love scifi. I read scifi, I watch scifi, I write scifi. I even dream in scifi. You wouldn’t believe how many Star Trek or Stargate themed dreams I have. And I have scifi dreams that become the basis for scifi stories. I’m seriously a scifi kinda gal.
This? This is crap.
So in case you didn’t understand before, uh, no, I do NOT recommend that you watch the Battlestar Galactica mini-series that was filmed in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada in 2003.
I love watching things filmed in Vancouver even.
I actually go so far as to drive Fahim absolutely up the walls and down again in sheer craziness with pointing out what’s filmed in Vancouver and pointing out the sights, and pointing out Vancouver actors and everything Vancouver. Ya know, Hollywood North is so cool, man. He’s sick of me talking Hollywood North. He sings silly songs until I shut up he’s that sick of it. Me, even with that, I still love watching everything filmed in Vancouver. Or, at least, most things filmed in Vancouver. Vancouver’s had a lot of great stuff filmed there in the last decade or so.
For this?
Nope.
Nothing can save this.
And what was Fahim’s comment when I said, after we watched the first two hours, that we should watch an episode of Monk to get the bad taste out of our mouths? He said no, he’s gonna pray, then he’s gonna get his food, and we’re gonna watch the last two hours, delete the files, and then we’ll never speak of this again.
Later . . .
Well, we watched the last two hours. Now, you DO realize that when I say two hours, it’s not real time, it’s television airing time? Actual viewing time is close to an hour and a half. That’s pretty much the only saving grace.
And I have comments on this. Oh, do I have comments.
I tried talking to Fahim about the holes in the movie. “We’ll never speak of it again,” he said, every single time I tried bringing it up. I laughed at him. Openly. Mockingly. But I understand, too. Dear, sweet, Fahim. Damaged in such terrible, tragic ways because of this movie.
Okay, back to the movie itself, and not Fahim’s problems with it.
So this movie is about the twelve colonies, and there’s an old legend about the lost thirteenth tribe, Earth, who left the twelve colonies long before, so long ago that no one knows where they are.
Hmm.
So if this people are so advanced that they’ve settled other worlds, but they still use glasses to correct vision? And they still have glass in their spaceships, which shatters upon impact? They use rolly office chairs that can seriously maim someone when the ship is under attack?
They use telephones that are corded to communicate with each other. They have paper books and paper logs and paper manuals – ship manuals.
And their only innovation seems to be paper that’s cut at the corners? And how exactly is that improvement over the old style of rectangular paper? Does the fact that the paper’s cut at the corners somehow make it more efficient? Why not go with round or triangular paper? Are they biased against round or triangular paper?
Or should we consider bisexual bathrooms to be another innovation? Or is that unisexual? Whatever. Both sexes using the same bathroom. Thing is, Ally MacBeal did it first, and that’s several years ago. So no, we can’t even call that innovation.
How about their uniforms? Is that supposed to be another innovation? Ugly unflattering stupidly designed tank tops going over equally ugly stupidly designed tshirts. I think they must have been going for as original as they could get, not realizing that the reason it was so original was because no one would be caught dead wearing it – willingly. Again, not giving the actors sufficient information before they sign their contracts.
They use clear boards with markers to record information much the same way a modern submarine or air craft carrier would. They have maps that they roll out and lay on the flat surface the same way air craft carriers would.
This is a group of humans advanced enough to travel in space, to shift from one location to another, to colonize other worlds, and they roll out maps?
And let’s talk about those Cylons. You know how the cylon robots – not the improved human looking models, but the old metal and electronics looking version – they have this red light that goes from left to right to left to right to left to . . . Well, you get it.
Uh, why on earth would they have their space ships doing the same damn thing? Swing a red light from right to left to right to left to right to . . . All it does is say that the special effects people had no imagination and could only find clumsy ways to distinguish Cylon vessels from human vessels. No subtlety at all. None. Not a single bit.
And no, I don’t know who the special effects people are, but since it was filmed in Vancouver, the chances are good that their special effects company also did either X-Files, or Millenium, or The Second Wave, or Viper, or Stargate, or The Outer Limits, or any of a number of scifi movies filmed in Vancouver, like
- Chronicles of Riddick
- Pitch Black
- 13th Warrior
- Mission to Mars
Television series filmed in Vancouver include:
- X-Files – until David Duchovny wanted LA to be with his wife, the whiner – if I have to explain it to you, you’ve been living in your mother’s basement and speak Klingon. Oh, no, wait . . .
- Millenium – very dark show. Lasted what, three seasons? conspiracy theory
- First Wave – scifi, aliens doing experiments, Nostradamus’ prophecies
- Viper – very cool car that changes
- Stargate – again, if I have to explain . . . but I will anyway cuz I love them – scifi – RDA (Richard Dean Anderson, duh!), Michael Shanks, Amanda Tapping, and Christopher Judge – based on movie by same name that starred James Spader and Kurt Russell. I salivate over this show.
- Outer Limits – oh so scifi. Television equivalent of short stories.
- Andromeda – Dylan Hunt, I mean Hercules, I mean, uh, what’s his real name? Oh yeah, Kevin Sorbo.
- Smallville – teenage Superman
- John Doe – lasted one season – sort of a Pretender with amnesia
- Just Cause – actually, don’t know. never saw it. just saw it listed
- The Dead Zone – the guy from The Breakfast Club. based on movie of same name from decades ago
- Twilight Zone – scifi, as if you didn’t know – funky odd television equivalent of short stories.
- Dark Angel – scifi – c’mon, seriously? mutated humans with various animal DNA bits thrown in for good measure develop super human skills to become the ultimate army – until some of them break out.
- Glory Days – scifi – I think. I sorta vaguely remember seeing a part of an episode once . . .
- Harsh Realm – soooo scifi – people fighting a war inside virtual reality
- Highlander – scifi – Adrian what’s his name. based on movies by the same name
- Level 9 – sci fi – very short lived
- Lone Gunman – X-Files spin-off – very short lived
- Mysterious Ways – oh, I loved this show – all about miracles / coincidences / very serendipitous happenings
- Night Visions – never saw it/don’t know
- Poltergeist the Legacy – scifi, but still didn’t see it. I get nightmares.
- Secret Agent Man – don’t know if I ever saw an episode.
- Sentinel – oh, very very coool show. scifi sort of. man lives in jungle, learns their sentinel ways, develops some very very cool super abilities, uses it to stop crime.
- Seven Days – so very scifi. Love this show. Was severely pissed off when it ended after the first season. One man can travel back in time seven days to stop major tragedies from happening, like POTUS being assassinated.
- Sliders – scifi – university student meets physics meets wormhole to parallel worlds with companions in tow
- Special Unit 2 – scifi – two cops battle illegal aliens. That is, aliens from other planets who are unlicensed and breaking laws.
- Two – a guy has a twin, who killed the first guy’s wife, first guy framed for it, no one believes he has a twin cuz they were separated at birth
- Wolf Lake – Lou Diamond Philips – very short lived – scifi – an entire town of werewolves
And most of those were good. Really good. Especially the ones that were sci fi, which is most of them. Hollywood North has become a scifi haven. There’s more, but this is all I remember off the top of my head.
Think about the special effects for Stargate, Sliders, Seven Days, Harsh Realm, Outer Limits, Twilight Zone, and the movies, too, well, the special effects companies in Vancouver tend to be top notch.
If you’re the least bit curious about what’s currently filming in Vancouver, go here. It’s updated every couple of weeks.
Back to the crap movie. Or crap mini-series. I don’t care which you call it. It’s all the same.
In all honestly, I shouldn’t be dumping all over the special effects guys. I’m actually inclined to believe that they were bullied, probably by the producers, or something like that, to do stupid special effects, not that the producers would have thought the special effects were stupid – they probably thought it was nifty and keeping in theme with the Cylons red light thing. They were dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb. The special effects guys? They’re just the victims. They probably had better ideas but were vetoed.
Yes, of course I’m biased.
You know what? I was sooooo looking forward to watching Battlestar Galactica. I was. Michael Shanks, at one point, was even slated to be in it. I’m glad he turned them down, or they turned him down, or however it worked. They, whoever the they are who screwed this thing up so royally, could have done so much better with it.
There’s been talk of turning this into a new television series. Unless they fire the screw-ups, it’ll never take off.
This things was a total dog. It wasn’t just crap. It was elephant crap. Big, messy, and as stinky smelly as they come.
On a ten dollar scale, I give this no dollars. If this was showing at a dollar theatre, I would still advise you to stay stay stay stay stay away. It isn’t worth even that.
Like I said, big smelly stinky elephant crap.
